Welcome to the Bender Family Website

January 20, 2010
Simba is adopted

Today Mike & Carolyn (and kids) adopted Simba, an eight-year old Rhodesian Ridgeback, from the Burlington County animal shelter. Shiloh has never been the same since Dakota died, a year and a half ago. We've been looking for just the right dog ever since, and today we found her. I feel a little bad, since while we were at the front counter finishing the adoption paperwork, three women came in to adopt the same dog. They were in tears when they realized that they missed her (by about 30 minutes). Simba seems to have adjusted well, and gets along with Shiloh, the two cats, and even the chickens.

Ruth was on he way to a wedding in Virgin Gorda, and decided to spend a few days in Haiti. Unfortunately for her, she was there when the earthquake hit on January 12th, and was stuck in the small city of Jacmel, on the southern coast. She still had internet access, so we were able to communicate with her via facebook. Her write-ups on facebook made their way to the CNN ireport, and also to travel & leisure's website. She even got interviewed by CNN via her laptop on skype. She was able to get a flight out on a small private plane from Jacmel on the 16th. In typical Ruth fashion, she even made the wedding in Virgin Gorda without skipping a beat. We were all so relieved to get her out of there!

Here is the hotel where she was staying!

Yesterday I finished EMT class. It was one hundred and twenty hours of classroom time, twelve hours of hands on time in an emergency room and numerous rides in the back of an ambulance hoping not to get in the way and actually help.

I started class after my husband joined the fire department and I listened to his pager go off time after time for medical emergencies. There were times I would listen to the calls, go out not just once, but twice, knowing that there was some family member worried, even terrified, enough to pick up the phone and call 9-1-1. There were times, even for heart attacks (now known as cardiac arrests, myocardial infarctions or perhaps ventricular fibrillations) it still took ten minutes before an ambulance would roll out of its bay. These were the times where it actually brought me to tears. I would actually feel sick.

As a girl who has grandparents that are almost ninety, and have been recent patients themselves, I could actually feel the panic as I waited for the squad to sign-on and be on their way. I would actually picture, in my mind, panicked family members waiting for that rig to pull into their driveway while their loved one deteriorated in front of their eyes and there was nothing they could do.

Luckily, in my forty-two years I have only had to call 9-1-1 once in my life. For those of you that never have, I can tell you that it is a totally helpless feeling, especially for those of us, like myself, that felt like we could handle anything that came down the pike. It's truly and utterly awful. Luckily enough, it was while I lived here in the valley, on a Thanksgiving evening some three or four years ago. Some of the best Hopewell has to offer were in my house with paramedics at the end of my driveway. It cannot tell you the relief I felt to know that my then eighty-two year old visitor was getting the best care that even money couldn't buy. It was a changing moment for me.

You might think, depending where you live, that waiting ten minutes or even fifteen minutes for an ambulance to be in your driveway from the time you call is an anomaly. It's not. I have had the privilege of riding with some of the most caring, wonderful, and good care givers you could ask for. It's not them. It's all of those who could lend a hand to help others but find reasons not to.

Too tired? Yup, sometimes EMU crews are that. They're got real jobs, children, spouses, problems, school, yard work and extended families to tend to as well.

Too busy? Our members have some of the busiest lives I know tending after many priorities in their own lives. Some members are also firemen, police officers and nurses. Some others like me are just moms, wives, neighbors and people who care about their community and the people in it.

Can't handle blood and vomit? I know plenty of EMT's that feel that way, including one of my instructors. She readily admits vomit is not her thing, but I've got to tell you -- if I go down some day or if one of my children are injured I want her there (you know who you are). From personal experience though, if someone is in pain that's your focus. You don't even have time to worry about anything expect doing your patient assessment, taking whatever interventions are necessary, and hoofing it to the hospital.

My personal favorite is, "It's not for me." Then for who, really, is it for? I don't know a single EMT who actually enjoys seeing patients who are sick, injured, and scared. It's those very descriptions that drive them to help.

I am particularly amused by members of my own community that do not realize that our fire department and emergency medical unit are VOLUNTEER. Normal people with busy, chaotic lives who jump out of bed in the middle of the night, from the dinner table on holidays, from family celebrations and run at the sound of the siren because they're compelled by a sense of community and a desire to help.

Due to lack of daytime weekday volunteers our valley has a small crew of paid firefighters/EMT's who help us hold it all together. They have been wonderful at helping me become familiar with book v. street practice and what it means to give good care -- really good care. My hope it that I can get as good at it as one of them.

Think you're too young or too old to offer your help? The youngest member of my EMT class was 16. The oldest this time around was probably well into his fifties. The thirty-seven people that finished yesterday, and will be putting out their hand to help those who need it the most, are one of the most eclectic groups I've ever been a part of. I can assure you that we had every race, color, creed, age, occupation, socioeconomic cross-section could could imagine. One thing in common? They all care about others.

Learning what was required of us was a joint effort. We had some of the most amazing men and women who spend their "down" time teaching so more will be able to help those most in need. They taught us, yelled at us, scared us, demanded all we had to give them. They did this all while they supported us, encouraged us, celebrated accomplishments with us and gave us the confidence to treat those who need help with kindness, consideration, knowledge and professionalism.

I will never forget one of my instructors yell at one of the young men as we practiced trauma assessment, "There is no sex in assessment! You need to touch her to figure out what's wrong!" He looked up at her and said, "I was raised to not touch a female THERE." Eventually he did...and we ALL smiled. He got it and THAT was good...

We, as a group, had many "AH HA!" moments. Many times I looked around and watched, with my own eyes, one classmate helping another master a task they were struggling with. The relationships started there. We learned who knew what, who we could ask for help, who WE needed to help and how to make sure we all ended up as one big family. That alone was a gift. I have made lifetime friendships from this class with people who really understand what's important -- one person helping another.

So you might be asking yourself why did she write this note? The answer is simple.

Volunteer.

Take the time. Help yourself. Reach out to your community.

Teach your children how by showing them by example.

If you really, really can't...and I mean REALLY -- write a big, fat check to your VOLUNTEER emergency services departments. Help them help you. It costs money to provide training, keep rigs in good repair, buy things like backboards, bandages, suction devices, oxygen, stair chairs and KEDS. Don't know what a KED is? Become an EMT -- you'll learn. I did. You want your local squads to have the best equipment and training when you call them. I know I do. It could be for your mother, father, sister, brother, child, neighbor or the stranger in the car in front of you who just hit a pole while texting.

Point is - it's not cheap so dig deep.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Make sure to say a prayer and a quick thank you to those that give their time. I know I will. You never know when it will be you dialing 9-1-1 and hoping to see those red lights and sirens come towards your house. Things happen when we least expect it.

I hope to join their ranks when I take my state exam next Wednesday. It has ended up meaning a lot more than I ever thought it would.

It was definitely a rough road some days. A lot more studying than I had anticipated, some chapters more challenging than I had imagined, but worthwhile lessons along the way -- really worthwhile.

Thanks to all who were a part of this road, whether it was a big part or seemingly insignificant. No part was unnoticed or unappreciated. You helped pave this road for me and for that I will be forever grateful.

It's been way too long since we've updated this site. Much has happened since the last update. Steve & Phyllis are moving to Chapel Hill, NC, Mike got promoted to Sergeant, and he graduated from the fire academy first in his class. Victoria is heading off to her Junior year of college, Tyler will be a Junior in high school, Lizzy is going into 5th grade, and Katharine is starting 1st grade. Lola turned 4, and Noah Hudson is learning how to be a Bender boy (aka....David is getting "payback"). Dave & Courtney are still running the restaurant in Richmond, and the outdoor patio is doing well. Ruth is still working for the Tides Foundation, and Lauren is doing whatever Lauren does.

With the return of Victoria to Chestnut Hill college August 24th, the impending return to school for Elisabeth and Tyler, and Katharine's excitement for the start of kindergarten the summer is officially over for the Bender kids.

Victoria spent the summer working 48 hours a week between the Nassau Inn and the Mercer County Prosecutor's Office in their Juvenile Section; Tyler spent a month at Camp Cayuga and a week in Ocean City; Elisabeth spent a week camping and two weeks in the Outer Banks with her dad; and Kitty stayed local with a week of vacation bible school at St. James.

Bedtimes for the younger two are back to 7:30PM and the backpacks are full of supplies for the coming year.

Mike and Carolyn are holding on to their hats until things settle down around Christmas time.

August 16, 2008
Katharine Turns 5!
On August 16 Katharine and many of her kindergarten friends celebrated her fifth birthday in style with a Candy Land theme and Marco the Magician.
It was all hands on deck as forty Hopewell kindergarteners made their way through the ten Candy Land destinations and then sat for a little magic.
The afternoon ended with all of the kids enjoying the candy table at the end of the path.

August 10, 2008 Virginia Meets NJ
Up for the nuptials, Dave, Courtney, Lola and Hudson enjoyed an afternoon full of fun with Kat, Ty and Tori as the kids had a chance to hang out and play.

August 9, 2008

Stephen & Phyllis Get Married!
After over 20 years of bliss, Stephen and Phyllis tied the knot courtesy of Deputy Mayor Bernie Miller in front of family and friends. The marriage was honored by a celebration at Chambers Walk restaurant.
On Sunday, Dr. & Mrs. Bender continued the celebration as they hosted an open house for friends and family to wish them well.

July 30, 2008 - New Chicks at the Bender House
With the departure of a long-time neighbor, the Bender family inherited a Ritz-Carlton chicken coop along with six hens.
It was only a matter of days before two chicks appeared courtesy of another family who found them after they had been abandoned in the local cemetery.

June 18, 2008
School ends for Hopewell. Tyler finishes his first year at high school, Lizzie finishes 3rd grade, and Kat is gearing up for Kindergarten. Victoria finished her freshman year at Chestnut Hill College, and is working two jobs during her summer vacation.

June 15, 2008
The Benders Celebrate Father's Day
It was a great day as Kat, Tori, and Tyler celebrated Father's Day with Michael. They made him king for the day and presented him with a selection of all of his favorite things.

May 28, 2008
Katharine graduates from St. James Nursery School
On Wednesday, May 28th at 10AM, Katharine will participate in her school's final concert of the year, then take part in the 4 year old graduation ceremony.
Immediately following, there will be a small reception held by Mike and Carolyn at the family home. All are welcome.

May 25, 2008 - Memorial Day in Wildwood Crest
It was a beautiful weekend as the family hit the beach and boardwalk for a little sun and relaxation before the beginning of summer.

May 15, 2007
Victoria completes her freshman year at Chestnut Hill
On May 15, with her last exam behind her, Mike and Carolyn packed up Victoria and brought her home for the summer. This summer Victoria will return to working at Talbot's Petites part-time while working for the Mercer County Prosecutor's Officer as an intern in the Sex Crimes Unit.

April 11, 2008
Stephen and Phyllis Set Day for Wedding
Phyllis announced this week that their wedding will be held on August 9th with a full open house to celebrate August 10th. It looks like the Bender kids will be coming in from all points to celebrate this long-awaited event!

March 7, 2008
Mike, Carolyn and Victoria Join The Hopewell Fire Department - Hopewell, NJ.

Mike joins as a driver and pump operator, while Charlie and Victoria join the social committee. Tyler is still a year too young to join as a cadet.

March 5, 2008
Mike Tackles Tech Diving Course This Spring to Prepare for the '08 Scuba Diving Season - Hopewell, NJ
Mike has registered for the Technical Diving course offered by the Scuba Connection of Hillsborough, NJ. Mike, an accomplished Divemaster and frequent east coast and Caribbean wreck detective, is looking forward to this three day course to expand his knowledge. Reluctantly his wife shook her head when he discussed this class with the understanding this class was NOT a precursor to advanced tech diving which would allow him to dive wrecks that have claimed many lives in the past (like the Andrea Doria). We wish him well on his dive adventures and his ability to bring home the seafood!

March 5, 2008
Elisabeth registers to play AA Softball and Division II Soccer this Spring - Hopewell NJ - Liz will be playing softball for the second consecutive year and soccer for the fourth consecutive year starting this April. Check the website links and come see her play!

March 3, 2008
Courtney, David and Lola Welcome Noah Hudson Bender-
Richmond, VA - Dave and Courtney Bender along with big sister, Lola Shea, welcomed Noah Hudson Bender at 9:14PM on Monday night at St. Mary's Hospital in Richmond. Noah came into the world at a whopping 8lbs. 15 ozs. and 21-1/4 inches long! Mommy and baby are all doing well and came home Wednesday morning to settle in for many sleepless nights.

February 26, 2008
Mike Makes Acting Sergeant
Princeton, NJ - On Tuesday, Det. Mike Bender was assigned to the patrol division as an Acting Sergeant.